Running out of steam: a few thoughts.

I am running out of steam with two weeks left to go of the term. A priority for next year will be to get the pace right so that I can make it to the end not completely exhausted. That is difficult though in an environment that is changing so rapidly. It is very difficult to know what to prioritize.

There is the Husband to consider.

• I think I get the relationship part mostly right. It helps that we work in the same profession and in the same workplace. Our work is different to each other and the work place is large enough so that we are not in each others space all day. I could be more romantic at times and pursue the love affair more... but all in all I think I am doing ok on this front.
• However the "maintenance man" has gone into hibernation. The property is falling into disrepair around us. I can see it but I won't go there because I just don't have the hours and the days to give it. I am hoping that the long summer break coming up will give me time to devote to it.

There is the Father to consider.

• That fact that Mr 12 is with me during the day attending the same school means we share much of the same life.
• Mr 5 attends Kindergarten at the same school too. And I am still spending at least some half days during the week with him... even if distracted.
• Mr 15 has grown into a fine young man and we are good friends.
• I think that I could pay more attention to the boys sporting activities and be more involved but overall I think that I am doing ok.

Ah but the Teacher has got to be better managed but I don't know how.

• My passion for  teaching has become so strong that I find it overwhelming. My zeal for middle school reform consumes me.  I find myself  going into school to help and participate way beyond my alloted 0.5 FTE.
• I pursue ICT innovation not because the technology is fascinating (it is) but because I can see the huge cultural shift that it is bringing. I push myself till I have nothing else to give because... because... well simply there is a vacuum of engagement among my face to face colleagues. When you perceive such huge changes yet no-one around you seems to notice.. where are the boundaries? There are no boundaries. it is a vacuum.
• The school I am with began life as a cutting edge middle school and along the way through ignorance and incompetence that was all but destroyed as it was turned into a traditional high school. Now a small handful of us strive to re-establish a middle school within the high school paradigm. It is hard slow work. We are making progress but it is like pushing a huge boulder up-hill. If we apply all our strength to it we can move it slowly. If we stop nothing will happen and no-one else will care enough to do anything.

And the poor old Pilgrim has to be satisfied with the dregs (for now).

• To put my pilgrimage into context, I follow a contemplative path in the tradition of the desert mothers and fathers of the Christian tradition.
• Such pilgrimages have their seasons. There are seasons  when a rhythm of prayer and reflection can be dominant. I have had such times.
• There are seasons when the busyness of life, parenting, working, learning and networking dominate. I am in such a time. It is normal but it feels very dry and barren. I miss the richness of regular meditation and prayer.
• Oh well, the seasons roll on and come around again. There will be another time when meditation and prayer feature more in my life again.

Right now, even though I am exhausted, I still have two weeks of school left and many task left to complete in that time. So... once more into the breach, my friends, once more (WS)

Comments

[Damian Bariexca]

Hang in there Russel! I think Claudia's right - there is always the "refuge" of likeminded bloggers to consult when you need it.

Maybe this says too much about how I view the last few weeks with my students, but my preferred Shakespearean rallying cry comes from The Scottish Play:

"Lay on, Macduff. And damned be him who first cried, 'hold, enough!'" ;-)

[Claudia Ceraso]

You say,
"My passion for teaching has become so strong that I find it overwhelming."
Wow. How many teachers could actually say that?

Stick to your pace. Results will materialiase if you simply keep at it. No need to rush.

About others not understanding, I feel that quite often. But there's the marvel of blogs: you can always find people to help you get ahead with your learning. Hope it's contagious.

[Liz Davis]

"I can see the huge cultural shift that it is bringing. I push myself till I have nothing else to give because... because... well simply there is a vacuum of engagement among my face to face colleagues. When you perceive such huge changes yet no-one around you seems to notice.. where are the boundaries? There are no boundaries. it is a vacuum."

Yes! Even among my technology colleagues, I am the only one blogging, the only one on Twitter, the only one running down the track a million miles an hour. I shouldn't have to slow down for them too. My online colleagues are the only ones who can keep up with me (and pass me by).

I really like the idea of the rhythm of life. There are times when this Web 2.0 world enfolds me and I neglect the real life people around me. That can be very engaging for me, not so much for my family and friends. It would be nice to find a balance - still working on that.